Raising Girls is Not Easy

I grew up with all brothers - In my childhood home, it was four of us boys (I was the middle child), my dad, and my mom was the only girl. My parents had my older brother and I first, took a 7-year hiatus between us and the last set of two (with a four year break in between those last two). I recall my parents kept saying to us boys that at some point, the sister we always wanted would join us and with each new arrival to the family, that never materialized. I always wondered then what it would be like to grow up with a sister. In our larger family, there were also more boy cousins than there were girls so girls were always somewhat of an uncharted territory for all of us.

I guess it was my yearning at some point to co-exist with girls that unconsciously led me to now being the proud, blessed and happy father of three girls. First, a set of fraternal twins and later, a singleton. They're aged 6 and a half and 4 respectively. They are everything I always wanted and will always need. They turned my life upside down and gave it more purpose, meaning, and challenge. And they keep me going.

Easier than boys?

Are girls easier to raise than boys? I guess I will never know. Many parents of boys tell me that raising a boy is another world; one with which I am somewhat familiar since I grew up with my brothers although growing up I was the child, not the responsible parent. However, I could relate. The times I spent with my brothers were the best of my life, the things we did, games we played, the messes we made, the many adventures, and all the wonderful memories spent together. Raising girls is quite different. And as a father, raising girls takes a very special meaning because it's a very unique relationship that will forever affect girls' lives as fathers are the first man in their daughters' lives. And of course, raising girls takes two parents and it always helps to have the wonderful strength, character of a mother that will show the girls how to be women. I have always thought that it's our job as fathers to create a sense of independence in our girls and ultimately encourage that unique quality in their lives so they can live it to the fullest.

Like all parents, I take my job seriously but always keep it fun. There's a sense of courage in the fun, a sense of making all things possible and fostering a safe, loving environment for them to grow up around. As a father, I strive to always look at each of my daughters as unique individuals and never compare them (and this is especially hard with fraternal twins). I instill in them the confidence to feel beautiful (and I remind them that they are beautiful every day) and I honor and respect them in each and every way. I also like to teach them new things, and to be fearless and embrace new risks and learn from their mistakes and in many ways, to always stay positive, optimistic, and happy. It's not an easy job, but it's the best job I have and will always have. Most importantly, it's a job that really focuses on the most important relationships, perhaps second to that which I have with their loving mother. Working hard at both is challenging; in my situation time gets in the way and I have realized that quality is more than quantity, and to make the most of every situation and enjoy each moment as if it was the last. I know this because the relationship with my daughters is based upon love as we will always love each other (and they will love me) unconditionally and completely in this life and the other.

With my daughters, I've only begun the journey as they are so young. I have enjoyed every moment, every milestone. I've filled up many memory cards with photos, videos, I have stacks of folders with their drawings when they were just starting to create things, doodle, and paint. And I have filled my mind with memories, many of which I have had to pencil down to avoid forgetting just how special they were. Some of those memories in my diaries have included the pregnancies and the journey through them, the day of their birth and the adventure all the way down to the hospital, the journey back home, and the first few days. Of course, I have captured the milestones as they have grown. My beautiful wife has done much more (including scrap books, photo journals, etc.) What makes me happy is that I have these memories, and I share these with them on a regular basis - I like to tell them the details and I reckon they enjoy them.

There is no manual to raise a girl

There isn't one to be a parent and that's why the job is so good! The most important things I have learned to date are the fundamentals that really drive the example I set for them at any stage of their life. Involvement in their lives is key, whether I am working long days or short days, I always make it a point to know what they are doing and how they are doing, and to learn from what they are doing. Dinner time is the best time, and I have learned that breakfast time before the daily routine can be just as good of a moment to start the day with joy, see their hopes for discovery and learning, and the excitement of what they are about to do. I strive to keep the best possible relationship with their mother whom I honor and respect no matter the circumstances each day. My mother always taught me to treat women and I have her to thank for that because she raised me well. And I think in some ways that has helped me understand my wife, and will ultimately help me understand my daughters as they grow into adolescence. I know I may have mentioned the moments, but it's every moment with each of them alone or together as a group that I always cherish and make it a point to remember to enjoy. The moment is all we have, and so it's important. Setting a good example for them is key and practicing good values, manners, showing a strong ethic on any endeavor, demonstrating passion for things, and being transparent. My dad is wonderful at this, he is empathetic, sincere, and always honest and he wears his emotions on his sleeves. I like to think that I learned transparency from him and I convey that to my children so they see me for who I am and they can relate to me at a human level. Moreover, it's important to teach them things and share your talents with them! Don't be shy or think they are too young to learn something or in the same token, too old. Teach them the simple and the complex things. I have taught each one of my daughters to draw, paint, and color. I am teaching them to sing and to be comfortable listening to all kinds of music. I am also taking my time to teach them Spanish and we (including mom) are learning something new each day. And last but not least, my daughters are always in my prayers and I count them as my biggest blessings because they are. I ask for their happiness, their health, and well being, and selfishly, I ask that I may have life to grow alongside with them so I can enjoy and thrive from the moments that they have blessed me with.

If you are not a parent don't worry, your time will come. If you are a parent, perhaps you may relate. If you are a dad, I am certain that you may be chuckling and thinking of something else, or perhaps something that's unique to your circumstances which I may not have mentioned. And that's the beauty and the mystery of raising precious girls. That's why our job is so important and of transcendence. We will always make a difference in their lives, because we are and always will be, their heroes.